We had our second childbearing class last night. We watched a "real life" video about giving birth (the kind with all the gory details). And I had a bit of a freak-out moment. I'm not even kidding, it was all I could do not to cry. I was overwhelmed with thoughts of "I cannot do that. There is no way I can do that." But then Kev reminded me that I was going to have to do it, and that breathing would help.
So I made it through that class. And then I went to an informational Lunch & Learn put on by the Nursing Mothers Support Group at work. Another freak-out moment. I'm sure nursing is what I want to do, but pumping at work still scares me. This might have something to do with the fact that I do not have access to a nursing mother's room and I don't have my own office. Plus, the room that I might be able to use does not have a lock on it. So instead of focusing on how great it is that the organization I work for has a Nursing Mothers Support Group, I sat there and freaked out a bit.
When it really comes down to it, I think all this freaking out has to do with the fact that I have only 9 weeks to go. For some reason, I hit 30 weeks and started feeling like I was out of time. I don't have a pediatrician, I don't have a sitter, I haven't taken the tour of the hospital yet, I don't even have a crib! Of course, all of these things are in hand, and I have many well-laid plans. But that didn't seem to stop the freak out.
I suppose all there is to do is to go to work on Evy's next sweater. I'm excited about this one. I'm using Knit Picks Swish for the first time (I love it so far). The pattern's a little trickier than my usual, so let's hope it turns out ok =/